Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
