Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
ttyl tear gas
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
