he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
