My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
