in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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