I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he fucked my hip out of place.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
