I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just found puke in my bra..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
