It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
