ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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