To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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