I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
home. puking in laundry basket.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
