If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
