found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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