I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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