a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
