): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
