Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
