If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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