i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
