How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
