At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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