I accidentally had phone sex last night
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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