Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
