Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
