So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
