In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
