I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
