Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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