Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
