I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
