just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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