i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
