I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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