Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
