I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
