why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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