I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
