Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
