Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
