Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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