dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she looked like the before picture.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
