Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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