So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
