so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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