So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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