Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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