Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
