I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
