Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Banned from zoo.
Again?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
