i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
