Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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