I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
