I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
