I'm so fucking centered right now
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
